Tuesday, November 8, 2016

1d100 Political Scapegoats

  1. Puppies
  2. Kittens
  3. Puppies AND Kittens
  4. War Widows
  5. "I blame the lame-stream media. Also that other media."
  6. Video Games
  7. Audio-Video Games
  8. Audio-Video-Olfactio-Gustio-Tactio Games
  9. Whatever music the youth are listening to
  10. The youth in general
  11. Pacifists
  12. Oceanographers (The Pornographers of the Sea)
  13. Womenfolk
  14. The "Moors"
  15. Organized Religion (referee's discretion as to which one - bonus polling points for a persecuted minority denomination)
  16. Disorganized Religion
  17. The Elderly, except the ones who have managed to remain fuckable
  18. The Fuckable Elderly
  19. Sincerely Reformed Criminals
  20. The Best and Coolest Drugs
  21. Books (bonus polling points for books that are "controversial" for reasons no one can identify)
  22. The Unemployed
  23. Restaurant Serving Staff
  24. Left-Handed (i.e. Sinister) People
  25. The Sea Peoples (or THESE Peoples)
  26. Teachers, British Nanies, Cartoon Animals, and other people with a suspicious fondness for children
  27. The Cartoons and Action Figures Which Aren't as Cool as the Ones You Had as a Kid
  28. The Homeless, especially when they're just trying to get some fucking sleep
  29. That Sports Team No One Likes
  30. Voter Fraud
  31. The New Dance Craze
  32. Santa Claus
  33. People who have much better and more frequent sex than you Filthy Hedonists
  34. Loving Marriages
  35. Divorcees
  36. Supermodels
  37. Ultra-Deluxe Models
  38. Newfangled Gadgets
  39. Lazy People (who only work three measly jobs to get by)
  40. This Week's Horoscope
  41. An "Act of God" (presumably an omnibenevolent, omnipotent, and omniscient one)
  42. A hoax perpetuated by almost the entire scientific community for nebulous reasons
  43. The fact that the Earth is only 6,000 years old, thus we haven't had very long to learn to do any better
  44. The Expansion of the Sun
  45. Legal Aliens Who Just Look Illegal
  46. What She's Wearing
  47. Sass, Backtalk, Attitude, Lip, Snark, and General Uppitiness
  48. Jokes (although "Jokes" are okay)
  49. Those who "can't take a joke"
  50. Politeness, Manners, Respect, Consideration, Tact, and other PC bullshit
  51. Unarmed People
  52. Actual Goats (I mean, have you seen their freakish eyes?)
  53. Those who dare ignore our most arcane and pointless traditions
  54. Huddled Masses
  55. POWs
  56. People who don't vote
  57. People who do vote, but are the wrong color
  58. People who are just especially punchable/hangable/flammable for whatever reason
  59. The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas
  60. Zoologists (The Pornographers of the Sea of the Land)
  61. Genetically-Modified Orgasms
  62. Something that must be true because I totally saw it in a movie once
  63. Sound and Fury
  64. Filthy Pinko Commies
  65. Commie Mutant Traitors
  66. Spring-Heeled Jack
  67. The Mad Gasser
  68. The Prophecy of Yore
  69. Purely accidental circumstances which lead to me innocently slipping and falling into vaginas/butts
  70. A widespread lack of moral fiber
  71. Those stupid reporters and their dumb, hard questions
  72. Kids who don't eat their Brussels sprouts
  73. Rural Folk
  74. City Folk
  75. Those Pesky Human Rights
  76. Haters
  77. Irresistible Temptation
  78. Thugs, Punks, and Ne'er-do-wells
  79. Bikers
  80. The Mentally Ill
  81. The Mentally Chill
  82. The Mentally Real
  83. Anyone dumb enough to pay taxes
  84. Satanic Cults that Supposedly Exist
  85. Bad Influences
  86. Subversives
  87. Radicals
  88. Moderates
  89. Fatties (i.e. The Non-Airbrushed)
  90. The Childless
  91. Artists, Intellectuals, Philosophers, and Other Smarty Pants
  92. Hollywood Movies
  93. Nasty Underground Movies
  94. People's private medical business
  95. People's privates
  96. A Terrible Curse
  97. The War on [insert thing that isn't in jeopardy here]
  98. Theoretical Mathematicians (The Pornographers of the Sea of the Land of the Abstract Logic)
  99. Murderhobos
  100. Fun

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