Wednesday, December 14, 2016

1d30 Uncommon Suicide Methods

This post should probably be considered "Not Safe For Work" - especially the links.
  1. Stealthily drowning oneself in holy water during a church service, so as not to be discovered until at least the end of the sermon.
  2. Gorging oneself on the cremated ashes of one's entire extended family, going back untold generations.
  3. Building a huge, upside-down pyramid suspended on stilts, then standing beneath the pyramid's point and flipping a switch that causes the stilts to be removed and the pyramid to drop.
  4. Using a needle and tube to siphon out one's blood like gasoline stolen from a car's tank. One can drink the blood if one gets thirsty during the process.
  5. Jumping from a second-story balcony repeatedly.
  6. Surgically removing as many of one's own bones as possible, one at a time.
  7. Lying beneath a sturdy table, which is itself beneath a huge weight suspended from the ceiling, then placing a leg of the table in one's mouth and triggering the weight to drop onto the table.
  8. Beating oneself to death with a hammer, club, or other blunt object, starting at the feet and working one's way up the body as each area is pulverized.
  9. Swallowing a serrated sword, then tugging on it. Twisting if necessary.
  10. Standing in the middle of an oil-coated bridge over a deep chasm, shark infested waters, a vat of acid, etc., then lighting both ends of the bridge on fire.
  11. Balancing on top of a long metal pole during a lightning storm, preferably a storm that one created (or at least predicted) through science or magic.
  12. Lying down and simply refusing to get up for any reason, while moving as little as absolutely possible, for as long as it takes.
  13. Purposely infecting oneself with a slow-acting but lethal disease and refusing treatment.
  14. Shooting oneself in the stomach repeatedly, patching up the wound each time in order to see how many shots it takes.
  15. Tying one end of a rope to a vehicle and the other end to one's neck, then sending the vehicle off at high speed, preferably over a cliff.
  16. Stuffing as much bread up one's nose as possible.
  17. Hammering a nail into one's own sternum or skull.
  18. Gathering everything that one is allergic to in one place and exposing oneself to all of it simultaneously.
  19. Building a pear of anguish that forcefully opens to its full extension instantaneously instead of gradually, then using it on oneself in a crowded area.
  20. Eating or inhaling the seeds of quick-growing vines, which take root in the body.
  21. Completely stop sleeping.
  22. Burn oneself alive at the coldest place in the world.
  23. Use a balloon to float high enough to suffocate or freeze.
  24. Boil oneself in a giant pot of soup, which other people are tricked into eating due to one's careful scheming beforehand.
  25. Orgasm to death.
  26. Seal oneself in the wall of a forgotten cellar to dehydrate or starve.
  27. Cut off one's own nose to spite one's face. Then keep cutting.
  28. Add one small but open wound to one's body each day, and take no precautions against infection.
  29. Repeatedly smash windowpanes and other glass objects with one's head. Tirelessly seek out as much glass as necessary.
  30. Cause a volcano to erupt as you straddle the vent.

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